Sweet September: Soft Kisses And Sensual Touches

No, no, no, cleanse your mind with some ‘lysol’ or ‘dettol’ …. this is not that kind of a kinky post.

I had to deliver something important to my friend Cam last evening. As it was dinner time, both parent and kid  would not let me leave without partaking their dinner. More about the dinner later, now let’s stay on topic.

We were chatting about a variety of topics from sub-saharan Africa to Canadian universities and somehow we found ourselves discussing what men ‘looked’ for in their prospective partners and whether any of it made any sense anymore.

The general consensus was that the popular dating sites were full of hypocrites and jerks who were not really serious about finding a partner, but were just there lurking and looking for a ‘quickie’ good time.

I, being the eternal optimist suggested that ‘matrimonial sites’ might  fare better than ‘dating sites’. So we decided to check some famous matrimonial sites and we  logged into one such site.

After specific search filters we found some interesting profiles- some posted by self and some by friends or family. As we browsed up and down, we all went  ‘huh’ at one very cocky, excuse the pun, profile. Even while reading it took a lot for the three of us to retain our dinner where it just landed.

On my good day I would have marked him “L” and moved on, but today my snarky side is tempting me and I am gonna bite. What you see below is his actual profile and what you see in bracket and bold is my snarklicious bite……….

A 55 years old (make that young, dude..) guy. Though to me age ain’t nothing but a mere #. Gentle, fun loving, caring and doesn’t mix with questionable characters (you mean like these @, ?,*,~) . Never been married and also no kid (sure dude at 55 no one would call you a kid) . Hope ain’t scaring ya off? (now you are beginning to)

I’m searching for a life partner (really..?, I would have never guessed) . I want to find a woman who enjoys the opportunity, (you mean the good opportunity, don’t ya..?, oh you are so modest..) the  adventure and comfort of a successful life and is willing to contribute (aahaaa…,now we are talking ) to making it even better (according to whom, dude..?). I’m looking for a beautiful woman who compliments me (oh,…how modest), is sexually satisfying  (on a scale of 1 to 10, what would that be, dude?) , smart, elegant, funny, adventurous and a joy to be around.

I’ll like my future partner to be kind, loyal, responsive, educated, intelligent, goal and career oriented, faithful, honest, romantic, affectionate, tender, merry and with good sense of humor (oh yes,…,.. she will sure need that bucket loads) and preferably ( ummmmm, not picky here are we…?) without bad habits. I wish Her to be family oriented, love kids though I don’t have any (so tell me again whose kids must she be loving?) and believe in everlasting love. Actually am for a serious relationship (gee, I would have never guessedthat). As I don’t want heart breaks and am also careful when it comes to ladies (so does that mean you are not careful with those who are not ladies..???). Just that ain’t got the luck all this while (I totally understand why dude) .

I am looking for a WOMAN (wow, thanks for clarifying that), comfortable enough with herself to express the passionate side of her soul. A woman that can give Soft Kisses and Sensual Touches (somebody hurt you real bad didn’t they dude..?). I am looking for someone good looking, smart with a great sense of humor and knows the meaning of ‘relationship’, I love to joke (no kidding..? ) but am serious when need be. I’d love to meet someone to enhance my life but not take away my independence (Freedom! Freedom!, USA, USA, oh…. shoot- wrong crowd, wrong slogan). I’ll get my fingers crossed till I hear from the CHOSEN ONE. ( you will get your fingers crossed… ?? really…??? dude, that’s helluva sacrifice you are making, think it over puhlease oh puhleaseeeeeeee). Let see if the chemistry will work (yes, let’s all watch for the freezing point).

Ok everyone, that proves  I too can be a b**** ,  capische..??

But a good b****, so I’ll end with a ‘Good Luck Kiss’ for him.

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Cam says:

    Oh, that was hilarious! You have a great sense of humor!

    Cheers,/ Cam

  2. Jaji says:

    ha! ha! So funny!

    I am glad I didn’t have to filter through all this rubbish before finding my gem!

    1. Malkan says:

      You got that right J !!

  3. Brenda says:

    I really enjoyed that!! – not sure how much wine you all had. I really think you should share your comments with this lonely soul – no wonder he is still alone – only the desperate need respond!
    the lips say it all

  4. anu says:

    This is really hilarious. The kiss took the cake !Had a good laugh and also could not help wondering -when will men ever learn ?!
    They refuse to change with times , but is quick to demand all the positives of a modern woman and still expects her to be all that a Victorian woman was expected to be.
    Jesus !!!Is he actually expecting someone to come by who will fit his specifications….maybe manufactured by some Japanese geek

    1. malkan says:

      Refuse to change with times…..is very apt. I would also add , ‘Obstinate and Obtuse’ to it.

      I thought maybe I was being very cynical, but thanks to all of your comments, I know I am amidst the ‘right crowd’. Keep your comments coming, they energise me!!

  5. BloggerDude says:

    I don’t know If I said it already but …This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

    A definite great read….

  6. SG says:

    ahahah this is sooo funnyyy!!!! ive seen so many profiles like this on the side of websites. seeing what u have to say makes me laugh so hard. i showed mi friends they think its hilarious!!!!!

  7. Bala says:

    Hey it is not only funny but proves that whether east or west the MCP’s are still active and the liberation front has not really succeeded.
    Yep! the Kiss takes it all ha ha ha.

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