Are you one of the millions constantly butting heads with your companion/partner/spouse or whatever ‘Zen/Zodiac’ names you call your better half..? Are you looking for ways to avoid it?
Then you might want to check out Anne Naylor’s post today in http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anne-naylor/do-you-know-your-love-lan_b_378201.html
She has included the five love languages of Dr. Gary Chapman:
Words of Affirmation: If your primary language is words of affirmation, you need to hear from your loved ones verbal appreciation, compliments or encouragement for you to feel special and loved. Simple and honest statements such as: You did really well getting that promotion. Or: You looked radiant and beautiful in your new outfit. Or: You are a great Dad to our kids.
Quality Time: Quality time with our loved ones is important for most of us, especially so if this is your primary love language. Give undivided time and attention with activities you enjoy doing together. During conversations, make sure the phone, tv or other distractions are turned off.
Receiving Gifts: Gifts are visual, tangible expressions of love and devotion. If this is your love language, you are likely to value gifts as touching and meaningful. Gifts do not have to be big and expensive. A single beautiful rose, a favourite food brought on the way home or a small souvenir from a trip away can speak volumes.
Acts of Service: Better to ask which acts of service are really appreciated than assume that cleaning the kitchen, or bathroom, clearing the garage are wanted more than looking after the kids on Saturday mornings. Most importantly, these acts must be undertaken not with resentment but with the joy of loving.
Physical Touch: Sexual intimacy is only one aspect of physical touch that communicates love in marriage or close partnership. Here it is important to discover from each other what forms of touching mean the most. These may include shoulder rubs at the end of a working day, back or feet massages, holding hands, stroking a cheek,a gentle hug.
And that brings me to Dr. Daniel Amen’s Brain In Love:
….your brain decides who is attractive to you, how to get a date, how well you do on the date, what to do with the feelings that develop, how long those feelings last, and how well you do as a partner and a parent. Your brain helps you be enthusiastic in the bedroom or drains you of desire and passion. Your brain helps you process and learn from breakup or makes you vulnerable to depression or obsession. When the brain works right, it helps you be thoughtful, playful, romantic, intimate, committed, and loving with your partner. When the brain is dysfunctional, it causes you to be impulsive, distracted, addicted, unfaithful, angry, and even hateful, thus ruining chances for continued intimacy and love. (emphasis mine)
Dr. Amen’s three rules for men and women:
For men: Do not expect your women to act like your best friend
Help her take care of her home
Smell great for her
For women: Do not expect your man to act like your best friend.
If you want your man to listen, use fewer words.
You have to ask him more than once.
as for moi, ‘meh!’