A Question For You Folks

….Last week I was whining about a bee under my bonnet. That bee crept in months ago from my discussion with a mature  man. (Bonus questions: Is there such a thing as a mature man? Heuristically at what age is a man considered mature?).

Anyhoo,  the man in question told me that he loves his family & friends but he doesn’t care whether they agree with him or not. It is what is in his mind (his love/his feelings) that counts, not what the other person thinks or feels.

I was trying to explain to him that it is not enough for any person to say ‘I love so & so’. It is for the ‘so & so’ to be able to feel that love and say, ‘I feel loved by him/her’.  My co-debater claimed that he was not responsible for how the other person feels, he would only go by how he feels  as he cannot please everyone. I agreed with him that one cannot please everyone  but family and friends are not everyone – they are special some-ones who deserve to be cared about. Yeah, you guessed it, he called me dramatic & promptly disagreed!

Now here is my question to you: Who decides who is loved? The giver or the receiver?  If this is too d’uh  for some of you, let’s try this….Who decides what is hurtful? The one who lashed out viciously or the one who received it?

I am very curious to know your thoughts as I am not sure if this is just another of those ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ pegs or just me being ‘totally out of touch’.

Update: Anthony Robbins to the rescue: “Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct”.~Thomas Carlyle.
Thus, the belief of love in one’a mind is worthless unless it is shown in behaviour, not Martian behaviour, but general, rule of thumb, human behaviour.
Also irrespective of expectations galore, from the tenets of communication: it is the sender’s responsibility to ensure the message has been received and understood by the receiver. Soooooooooo, much as I hate to say it, somebody est mal. C’est la vie mes amis, c’est la vie!


4 thoughts on “A Question For You Folks

  1. With my very limited knowledge, I would say the first question before your questions would be…”How does the giver and receiver define what love is, for each of them ?”. This one looks to be a case of difference in expectations. Looks like the giver is showing it in one way but the receiver is expecting it in a different way and so cannot feel the love. People are different and so are their ways of expression. Expectations can hurt love as it starts to become conditional..we all know that ethirparppu may lead to emaatram. Family/Friends can become ‘everyone’ if the love starts to become conditional and the expectations are out of sync.

  2. I agree with Karthik. Perceptions differ and unless it is in sync, can ruin a good relationship. Giving or taking love has to be unconditional. If not it becomes a barter which is meant for things and not love.
    Once it is unconditional even a little bit of it seems the world. It is seen when a mom hugs its child unconditionally but it means the world to the kid.
    This holds good in every relationship whether between lovers or friends or siblings.

  3. Definitely the receiver should feel the love, if not there is none!
    I think the same applies to your second question too, it is the receiver’s right to feel hurtful too!

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